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it could happen to YOU!

I've been seeing late-night TV commercials advertising a free weekend promotion at eHarmony.com. I actually considered checking it out for a split second before I recognized that I am not actually prepared to abandon my superficial, materialistic standards (wearers of Ed Hardy: need not apply) for a "real connection". Not yet. Talk to me when I'm 35.

I know not one, but two people who have found ads posted for themselves on Craigslist Toronto's "missed connections". TWO. Both are attractive, outgoing people who have no difficulty picking up girls the old-fashioned way ("old-fashioned way" meaning face-to-face. That's old fashioned now) but they were both compelled to contact the anonymous posters who recounted the circumstances of their meeting on the internet for all to see; one at a bar and the other at their place of work.

Spring is indeed in the air but if you find yourself lonely from time to time, why not check out Toronto's missed connections and look up your favorite bus stop, coffee shop, gym or office building. You may have caught someone's attention.

miscreant

Adjective, (comparative more miscreant, superlative most miscreant)

1.Lacking in conscience or moral principles; unscrupulous.
2.(theology) Holding an incorrect religious belief.

Noun, (Singular: miscreant, Plural: miscreants)

1.One who has behaved badly, or illegally.
The teacher sent the miscreants to see the school principal.
2.One not restrained by moral principles; an unscrupulous villain.
3.(theology) One who holds an incorrect religious belief; an unbeliever.

Kat Von Fail

OK. Celebrity heroines fail. I've seen it time and time again.

Gwen Stefani was my idol in high school. She preached the riot grrl lifestyle and I listened with the wide eyes of an adoring adolescent: DIY/reconstructed clothing, retro make-up, pizza and beer.



Fast forward to 2004. Not only does her solo album stink, Gwen is displaying her new size 3 body in designer couture. .



I salute her glory days and repress any traces of Love Angel Music Baby from my subconscious

Since then, other celebrity bad girls have caught my attention. Brody Dalle, frontwoman of The Distillers and more contemporarily Spinnerette, has eschewed her mohawk and leather in favor of mommy-friendly attire. That's fine- maybe I'll be a mom someday and won't give a shit to apply lipstick. Lady Gaga is fun but she's essentially a joke and Madonna is simply to old and desperate to be relevant anymore.

Tonight I set eyes upon LA Ink for the first time in several years and am made aware of the abomination that had become Kat Von D.



A nose job. How very LA. Shame on me for thinking that you stood for something beyond prototypical beauty ideals.

It was hard enough to stomach your Sephora concealer ads....



Implicit caption: "Look at me. Don't I clean up nice?" Tattoo industry insiders are quick to shit on chicks with 'tramp stamps' and guys with tribal tattoos, but what can you say about the artist who advocates covering it up?

Celebrity idol worship is empty and meaningless and any idiot can tell you that, but this critical feminist gives a fuck about women in the public eye who at least appear to resist the temptation to sell out, suck up and conform.

You wound me, Kat. I'm ashamed to have bought your makeup in the belief that you promoted alternative beauty ideals for women. Enjoy your new nose and think not of the legions of women you have sorely disappointed.

I had a doggee. Her name was Wilma and she was just a year old.



Boy, she's cute! Here's one of her on my bed, just to fully demonstrate her tininess...



She weighs NOTHING.

I loved having Wilma for 3 weeks but when her mommy came to get her I was ready to let her go. I knew dogs were a lot of work, and for the most part I took her for walks in -10 degree weather or at 6:30am without complaint. What I miss most is coming home from work at 5:30 and seeing her absolutely delighted to see me. Sure, she's stoked because she's going to walk, get fed, get treats, etc, but it's still nice to have someone so stoked to see you.

There will be a dog in my future, no doubt, but he/she will arrive when I have several things that I currently don't.

In other news (and not entirely unrelated),

Happy holidays from the LDG!

iPod cozies

Music sounds better with these


Assorted colors, machine washable, yadda yadda ya. Come get 'em at the CRAFTZILLA indie/punk xmas craft show!

Last Christmas I gave you my heart....

...this year, I'm selling it at CRAFTZILLA! The Xmas craft sale for the morbidly inclined.


* I'm not on the vendor list because I joined late, but I'll be there! I swear!

I'm told the event will be licensed, so come buy me a shot of holiday cheer!

Funemployed again

All I want to do is eat cheesies. The puffy kind. My right thumb and index finger are permanently stained orange and are dyeing the keyboard as I write. Will you still read my blog when I'm 300 lbs?

andrea@undeadclothing.ca

Dear deadites;

It has come to my attention that emails addressed to andrea@undeadclothing.ca are bouncing back to sender or are otherwise not getting though. If you are trying to get ahold of me undeadclothing-wise (inquiries, custom orders, etc) and cannot get through, please CC undeadclothingco@hotmail.com just in case. Sorry this sucks! I'm working on it.

-LDG

Ski/snow show 2009

Observations:

- Uggs are still around. Sad, but true.
- Some folks could not sign up for the SBC e-newsletter because they don't have email, and yet they know and understand that the year is 2009.
- People will do anything for free stickers. Anything. The crowd of kids at the Burton team signing were as gnarly as some mosh pits I've seen
- Bragging about how your Nightmare Before Christmas-themed tattoo (dryheave) made your grandmother cry (douchebag); not an awesome method for trying to pick me up at the afterparty
- Fun and games and cootie-catchers on the hand, is.

Halloween Marketplace!

I am pleased to announce that this year, I will be participating in Toronto's only Halloween-themed artisan marketplace; the Bazaar of the Bizarre 2009!

Date: Sunday Oct. 26th
Location: 6 Noble St (Queen W @ Dufferin)
Time: 11 - 7pm
More: Official website

Free admission, and the event is child-friendly (even though I'm not)

In other news, I really love my job. I love the work I'm doing and the office I'm doing it in, and for the first time I actually feel proud of getting my M.A. I guess it took a good job to validate all the time and effort... and stress... and madness.

In my grief, I almost forgot to report that I have finally updated the gallery section of undeadclothing.ca to include various new items, including my popular passport holders and some knit goods.

Teaser;

Water damage

So I am working at the bar last night when I discover that my cell phone, which is sitting on a shelf under the bar where I always keep it, is soaking wet and no longer works. Apparently the sink above it lost its structural integrity (I guess?), dousing my phone in water and various splashes of booze.

Not to worry, I say to myself, I have been paying an extra $7 per month for smartphone insurance; such that my cell phone is replaceable should it break, for whatever reason. Alas, upon arrival to the Bell store today, I discover that my replacement phone will take 1-3 days for delivery and will cost me $150. "$150!", I exclaim to the shithead, "why must I pay $150?". He explains that this replacement fee is specific to water damage and is far less than the $500 one would pay for a new Blackberry flip phone. The bitch of it is that I did not pay $500 for that phone. I would not pay anywhere near that much for a stinking cell. The damn thing was $30 with a renewal of my 2-year contract with Bell. The shithead does not feel my pain, nor does he sympathize with my attempts to trump the "water damage" allegation with claims that the phone was actually damaged by a sordid cocktail of Bacardi, Stoli, Canadian Club and Tanqueray.

So thanks very little Bell mobility! You win again, and I am unreachable for 1-3 days. I mourn my Blackberry friend with the badass cobra sticker on the back and the chip in the front display that I got from dropping it the first day I had it. I have a few photos of our time together;



Remember the time we got wasted on my patio? I was not very happy with you later that night when you rang and I had to go in to work, three sheets to the wind.



Ah, the incessant texting. My second most disgusting habit.

On the bright side, maybe now I can get the phone in pink like I had initially wanted?

On Aug 3rd, the Heartless Bastards opened up for the Decemberists

Between songs, the singer said something to the effect that she was happy to be touring with the Decemberists and some guy in the crowd yelled out "They should be opening for you!". She's obviously not allowed to publicly agree but I sure did. Not that the Decemberists aren't a good band; I just hate how underrated the Heartless Bastards are.

If you've never heard of them, you're missing out; their set choked me up more than once. I've often felt that if my heart could sing, its voice would sound just like hers.



In other news, I spent last weekend working the SBC booth at Wakestock 2009 in Collingwood. It was one of those situations where meeting tons of interesting/attractive people left and right makes one very introspective in that they must field such questions as "What do you do?". I obviously hate that question because I currently do nothing. I was comfortable as a grad student to readily admit that I was a grad student because the conversation would necessarily lead to my thesis topic, which is an excellent ice-breaker. However, I have never found the term "funemployed" to be particularly funny, and I had a challenging time trying to glorify being between jobs in a new city.

I guess the flipside to this is the slim chance that I might meet someone who just happens to be looking to hire a sociologist who specializes in horror film and culture? You never know.

LDG's top 5 beauty products

To begin, a disclaimer:
I do not portend to be particularly beautiful, nor am I professionally knowledgeable in esthetics. The product reviews and techniques described in this blog entry are merely my personal opinion and should be taken as such.

When I first started this blog, I had an idea to start another blog specifically for cosmetic product reviews and tips where a variety of authors can submit and rate their experiences. Popular books of a similar purpose like "Don't go to the Cosmetic Counter Without Me" by Paula Begoun disappoint because they are too perscriptive. I do not believe it is appropriate to say certain complexions should "never" wear this, or that blue eyeshadow is a universal no-no (as Paula argues). Beauty products are as expensive as they are numerous, and due to their intimate nature, buyers do not always have the oppertunity to properly try them before purchase. My favorite products are ones that were recommended to me by friends and often, by my mother. In addition to wanting to emulate my mother's beauty (which continues into her sixties, I might add. I'm appreciative of the genes!) I can also learn a lot from my mother because of our resemblance. As such, my mother remains a large influence on my beauty habits and rituals, so she gets a nod.

PRODUCTS:

#5 - Spectro Jel cleanser (drug store)


Recommended by my doctor for my early onset adolescent acne. Recommended by my piercers and tattoo artists for aftercare. Need I say more? I have been using this stuff forever and I have not looked back. Cleansers that foam and froth on my face make me gag, as do cleansers that smell like... well, just about anything. Specto is slimy and odorless, and will remove eyemakeup without irritating your eyes.

#4 - Cover Girl Fresh Complexion undereye concealer (drug store)


If I were to be abandoned on a desert island with Johnny Depp and could only bring one beauty product, this is it. I am plagued by undereye circles, no matter my diet or restedness factor. I blame my genes; you know how the mobster guys on the Simpsons have that shadowy-ness around their eyes? I think it's an Italian thing. Anyway, I've tried many varieties of concealer ranging in price, brand and texture and Fresh Complexion gets it. It goes on beautifully light, which is important when one considers the fragility of the skin under/around the eye (see below for a tip on gentle undereye concealer application). I find the pigmentation just right; not too sheer as to render it ineffective, but not too opaque so as to produce the dreaded pancake-face effect of too-bright skin. This is one product where I truly prefer a drug-store brand over the more expensive stuff.

#3 - Queen Helene Mint Julep Masque (drug store)


This stuff came to my attention from my first roommate in residence at U of O. Sharing a bathroom, I would often see her emerge after brushing her teeth with her face covered in pale green goo. It made her look like a zombie extra from Dawn of the Dead (not entirely unappealing to me). This stuff is amazing. It is equally effective used as a 10-minute all-over masque, or as spot treatment overnight for a nasty zit. After application it seems to generate heat as it dries, providing suction (sorry, this is gross, but it really does shrink pores and get rid of blackheads) without dehydrating your skin. I love it. The tube lasts forever. No other acne products are necessary.

#2 - Benefit Bad Gal Lash (Sephora)


The funny thing about mascara is that I feel many women have simply given up. They believe that mascara must flake/smudge/smear/run/etc. and that this is just the nature of the beast and the price we must all pay to emphasize our lashes. As such, they buy the cheap stuff and have come to accept their irritation with its performace. That is how I operated until I discovered Benefit Bad Gal Lash. While the price tag is somewhat daunting, I firmly believe this product is worth every penny. Why? I can sum it up in one sentence; your lashes stay SOFT. In all my experience wearing mascara I didn't even think "soft" lashes were possible! This stuff goes on very controlled, thanks to the great applicator brush, and dries to a finish that feels so velvety and natural that you will forget you are wearing mascara. As a bonus: if you wanted to try this mascara without shelling out for a whole tube, Sephora sells little mini-tubes for; just for a taste.

#1 - Cake Satin Sugar hair & body refreshing powder (Sephora/the Bay)


I bought this stuff on a rare impulsive whim from Sephora online (before there was a Sephora store in Ottawa). I had heard the old beauty tip of using talcum/baby powder on the roots of your hair to relieve excessive greasiness in a pinch. This tip appealed to me because it takes me a while to smooth out my naturally coarse, curly hair, so I like to stretch out the time between washings as much as I can. The problem with the talcum/baby powder is twofold; first, it itches. You can feel the powder in your scalp and it actually feels worse than the initial greasiness it was meant to relieve. Second, it shows. Unless your hair is blond, you had to take pains to conceal whitish smears along your partline. Then I discovered this stuff. Its purpose is identical, but the powder is so fine that you cannot feel it on your scalp. Also, it comes in two formulas for lighter and darker hues, so the white smears are a thing of the past. Finally, this stuff smells like cinnamon-chai lattes. I don't use if for my body (I have another powder I like for that) but this stuff is a must-have for those days you didn't have time to blow-dry.

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Now, I'd like to share my top 5 little pearls of beauty wisdom that have been imparted to me over the years and that I actually still use day-to-day.

#5 - use third finger to apply undereye concealers and creams -

It's your weakest finger, so you ensure the lightest touch to your most delicate skin. I picked this one up from some teen magazine in the 80s. YM, maybe, with a brow-heavy Brooke Shields on the cover.

#4 - use liquid liner along your lower/inner lash line -

A tip I picked up from cosmetic guru Xenia at Lime Crime Makeup. Not everyone lines their inner lower lid, but those of us who do know that it looks really cool and doesn't stay. This makes sense, of course, when we consider that these are our tear ducts we're coloring and tears can occur for a variety of reasons ranging from dust to The Notebook to a run in our pantyhose. Lining the outermost edge of the inner lid with liquid liner helps a lot.

#3 - use white pencil crayon to whiten long nail tips -

This old nugget from my mom has always struck me as a bit sketchy... pencil crayons are lead-based, right? Maybe shoving them under your fingernail isn't the best idea, but I must admit that I do it because the results look so darn good. It's best to use it after you shower or bathe because your nails will be soft and take the color better. Using the tip of the pencil crayon along the inside of your nails simultaneously cleans them and whitens them, giving them a natural french-manicure look without the french-manicure bright white phoniness. I am not liable if you get some kind of weird cancer from this tip. Nor do I even want to know about it for my own sake.

#2 - tone down and lock in too-bright lipstick with black eyeshadow -

I think I made this one up. I've always loved the classic look of blood-red lips, but I have a hard time pulling it off. Red lipsticks are often just a touch too pinky, too purply, too browny and in the end, too clowny. I discovered that using my finger to pat on black eyeshadow over my lipstick simultaneously darkens and seals in the color to a matte finish. Until I find the perfect red (and I'm still looking)...

#1 - cold rinse hair after washing -

At the end of your shower, after washing-rinsing-repeating, rinse your hair in lukewarm/cold water. I read somewhere that the cold seals your hair follicles, which gives you increased shine after drying. I find this to be true. To accomplish this without ruining the warm comfort of a winter shower, I hit the switch to send the water into the tub faucet instead of the showerhead and squat under the faucet, trying to keep my long hair from getting stuck in the drain. Would I put myself through this if I didn't consistently notice a tangible result? Try it yourself.

I believe that's all I have to say; for now, at least. My little top 5s aren't enough to fill an entire blog and I am sure I have lost what readership I once had when I stopped posting for months at a time. In the end I've said my peace; I have shared random wisdom and given my favorite products a little shout-out. I'm all ears for more, ghost readers. Do share!

Everybody bitches about how xmas, valentine's day, all holidays at which people exchange gifts are such consumer-driven occasions and bullshit and etc etc ad nauseum. All I have to say is that I found the PERFECT birthday gift for my roommate and the joy I will feel giving to her far exceeds the money I spent or the profit that the vendor made off it. Gift-giving is terribly satisfying when it's thoughtful.

It's nice to be treated nicely

I had almost forgotten that job satisfaction feels really good. Not that I was completely unsatisfied at Top of the World in Ottawa; I found my seven years there to be tremendously rewarding and wouldn't give them up for anything in the world. But my job there took on a different flavour when I graduated and became a full-time retail employee with a graduate degree. I knew I had to move on, and so my sense of job satisfaction suffered until I moved to Toronto.

I had been here less than 24 hours when I took to Queen St W armed with a stack of resumes. I was looking for serving/bartending work, something quick and dirty to keep me fed and clean while I take on the daunting task of finding a "real job" (ie- something in my field. Sociology. Zombie film. Good luck!) I must have handed out 25 resumes that night, and most of the managers and supervisors I spoke with treated me like exactly what I was; one in a million servers/bartenders looking for work in trendy bars on Queen St. Many of them didn't even try to mask their sarcasm when they said they'd give me a call. Thanks for the humanity, guys. I'll be sure to frequent your establishment when I'm important, someday.

Nocturne was different. The bartender working took an instant liking to me; something that doesn't happen very often, especially among females of our species. Within a week I was working there and at the end of my first shift, the staff toasted my hiring together. Since then, I have never once been dealt with rudely or unprofessionally, nor have I ever felt overworked or taken advantage of. As a result, I care deeply about Nocturne and its staff and owners, and take it upon myself to promote the bar and its events as best I can.

Happy workers make for happy workplaces in so many ways. Looking for full-time work in an economic recession with a somewhat abstract area of expertise is rather daunting, and I used to think that good pay was the best I could hope for in these circumstances, but there are possibilities on my horizon for some very rewarding and exciting work. To be continued...?

remember knitting?

I found a webring for knitting blogs in the GTA and I've been perusing it for a few hours (oops, I mean minutes. I'm not a psycho, I swear). I remember when I started this blog, meaning for it to be a knitting blog with some personal content. Then it became a blog about school-related rantings, life-related gripings and occasionally, knitting-related braggings.

I haven't knit-bragged for a long time, and not because I haven't produced anything bragworthy. Could it be that I've lost the compulsion to share my precious FOs with the blogosphere? Or could it be that I've lost the readership to even bother updating this blog more often than once in an FO?

At any rate, my needles are currently being occupied by a pair of penguin mittens for my friend and former coworker Raelyn. A penguin enthusiast (apparently such things exist), she collects everything and anything remotely penguin-related. When she saw my adaptation of the alligator mitts into sandworm mitts), she asked if I could produce penguin mittens. I told her I could, but that she's have to be patient; I was working 2 jobs at the time and preparing for the move to Toronto. She agreed to accept the mitts well beyond mitt-season, and lo and behold I'm finally working on them.

The problem with the mittens I initially designed was that I wanted the wristband ribbing portion to be black with white on the inside of the wrist. Think black penguin with white belly, right? The thing is, changing colors when you're knitting in the round on dpns is a bitch. A real bitch. You can't use intarsia because you leave the working end on the wrong side of the color block, so you can't use that end again. Get it? Even if you don't, you can see the complexity of the problem. I was stumped. As such, I have had to make the wristband and heel-of-hand portion all in black, saving the white underbelly for the lower jaw portion (which is knit flat- no problemo).

All this to say that I'll have your mittens to you someday, Raelyn. And on that day, I will blog. And brag.

Some jobs I've applied for recently

- court reporter
- freelance video game reviewer
- flight attendant
- crack-whore trainee