Sunday, February 24, 2008

Let me start by saying the trip was great. It was. We got a good deal, the hotel was marvellous, the city was beautiful, the weather was perfect, the food was decent, etc etc etc.

We were planning this trip since last summer. The idea was a spring break getaway with the girls from my cohort in the MA program at Carleton; one last big hurrah before we all graduate and go our separate ways. As time went on, the nature of the trip changed. People backed out (as they are wont to do) until the two girls that remained interested in going were not in my cohort at all. Nonetheless, having gone through a devastating break-up and being stuck in life-limbo at my parents' house, I decided that I should still go for the purpose of escaping my misfortune and recharging my batteries.

Thing is, I'm not much of an escapist. I'm not the kind of person who can drown her sorrows. I also have a hard time putting things on the back-burner. Obviously, I do procrastinate; but not because I am able to effectively "forget" about things. As such, my entire trip was somewhat tainted by my knowledge that I would have to return and that upon returning, the same forces that sink my heart would be waiting for me in full swing.

So the long and short of it is: I went and had a great time, and now I'm back and miserable. Was it a waste of time and money? Probably not. I do have positive things to show for it; somewhat of a tan, some wonderful Mexican art, a new ring and bracelet I love, etc. Unfortunately neither of these things enrich my life significantly enough to brighten my short-term future.

For example, I bought an amazing Dia de los Muertos clay sculpture in Puerto Vallarta. I was exactly what I was hoping to find there, and when I held it up and I thought of how perfect it would look on my nightstand, next to my beaded-tapestry lamp, against a plum-colored wall in my very own place. The ugly underbelly of this reverie is that I don't yet have my very own plum-colored place, and will likely not have one for quite a while; the beaded tapestry lamp is marooned until I find a place, along with my precious sewing machine, my yarn, my favorite Thor mug and 80% of my wardrobe. I imagine some people could appreciate the clay sculpture without the emotional baggage, but I can't.

I'm reading a Chuck Palaniuk novel about a group of writers who willingly volounteer to isolate themselves for three months for the ideal environment to write their magnum opus; no phones, no internet, no friends, no family, no job, no interruptions of any kind. The idea, it is presumed, is that the isolation encourages introspection. Rather than make contructive use of the situation, the characters begin to envision themselves as victims of a horrible ordeal, one which would surely get the attention of the world when they finally escaped, making them rich and famous. In order to further sensationalize their story, they willingly maim themselves. It's quite twisted and hilarious, actually. My point is that this idea of isolation is starting to appeal to me. I think I'm starting to understand why people feel the need to suddenly pick up and relocate across the globe. I'm not feeling this need to that extent, but I am finally starting to understand it.

They say the orchid is a common tattoo, partly because of it's beauty and partly because of the fact that it is a beautiful flower that apparently only grows in shit. It is this symbolism that makes it a popular tattoo; people get tattooed when they need a rebirth of sorts; recovering from divorce, depression, loss of a loved one, etc.

My sister says I remind her of Kat Von D.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Saturday, February 23, 2008

I'm home

and exhausted and tremendously low on sleep. I will describe my journey when I can recollect it objectively without the memory being tainted by my less-than-great homecoming.

PS- "grossy" in the post below is a typo... of what, I'm not sure. "Gassy"? or maybe just "gross"?

Friday, February 15, 2008

Puerto Vallarta

I'm leaving today. Takeoff is in 6 hours... I'm too grossy to get excited yet. That, and I really hate customs... but I am happy that at 10pm tonight I could be swimming in the ocean!

Have a great week, everyone! I'm sure I'll have lots to report when I get back

Monday, February 11, 2008

I have literally been sitting at my desk all day long. I got home from Liz's at about 11:30, came up to work on my thesis... took a lot of breaks... watched 2 movies online... and here I am at 11:03pm.

Today I watched the Blair Witch Project in 7 parts on youtube. I had a nightmare the other night that ended with my former roommate staring vacantly in a corner while I screamed at her, and I woke up thinking about that movie. I remember seeing it in the theatre after all the hype had died down (ie- people didn't think it was 'real' anymore). The movie didn't scare me at the time, nor did it entertain me really, but I was definately too young. The power of that movie is to empathize with their growing panic and desperation. I'm not much of an outdoorsy person, so just the fact that they camped so much was enough to make my skin crawl.

The second, and far more substantial movie was called Zeitgeist and came to my attention by recommendation. I watched it in 3 parts on google video something-something. It's one of those movies that ignites the mind but saddens the heart... you finish watching it with a sense of enlightenment and of thinking in a different way, but you're pretty sure the knowledge has come with a price; that being your optimism/faith in humanity/will to live. It was such a pithy film that I actually took notes such that I can discuss it in detail with the fellow to recommended it to me. I look forward to that.

Third on my list yet most important in my life is that I finished revising the heavy theory chapter and it's all printed out and waiting in my backpack to be delivered to the lion's mouth tomorrow. My supervisor can have it all week to look over while I drink mojitos on the beach. And if he doesn't like it, he can shove it up his ass (while I rewrite it).

At one point today, I went downstairs for a snack and actually verbally told my cat I'd snuggle with her later and watch TV. I did not. Think she'll forgive me for some tuna?

Saturday, February 9, 2008

What a perfect time for a slumber party

There's drama in my life and I have a big zit.

I appear to have lost my yarn needle! I've lost it a handful of times, and I usually find it by sitting on it or some other painful way... now I'm scared of my couch.

Friday, February 8, 2008

Living dead girl is a busy bee this week!

Sat; work 12 - 5, host slumber party!
Sun; endure hangover, 80s night @ Barrymore's
Mon; thesis writing extravaganza!
Tues; correct T.A. assignments, close store
Wed; discussion group, close store
Thurs; pack bags, close store
Fri; get on plane, commence vacation!

Add in an appointment to be depilated somewhere... oh god, where? Also, clean house before parents return! Make sure library books are not due while I'm gone! Get someone to come in and feed Felicity for 3 days!

I guess it's good to have a busy week right before my vacation. I'll enjoy it more.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

long hard road out of hell

The trip:
We booked it. Puerto Villarta for 7 days, departing Feb 15th. We even found an all-inclusive, 4-star resort that accomodated 3 people in 2 double beds and a sofa bed. We called the agent, gave our credit card info and slept well that night... until today, that is. I get off work and there's voicemail from Kim saying to call her and that it's "important". Fuck.
Apparently our payment transactions are "pending", for whatever reason. Both of ours; Kim's and mine. What the fuck for, I get to discover tomorrow, probably after being 'on hold' with Mastercard for 45 mins.

The thesis:
It's ok. I was pleased at having "finished" that chapter, and I sent it off to some colleagues for proofreading. The feedback was excellent; probably better than my own pigheaded supervisor could provide. But they weren't little change-a-word-here suggestions. They were go-back-to-the-library suggestions. So I did. I'm not complaining, either. Like I said, this is better help than I would expect from my supervisor, so I may as well do it and hand it in to him later. I hope to have it at him by reading week, at least.

See above.

Saturday, February 2, 2008

My excitement for my trip has waned considerably. We went from 8 people to 3. Try booking hotel rooms for 3 people. Two adult girls in a twin bed is NOT my idea of a vacation! As such, we're trying to either find a fourth or find a package cheap enough to cover the cost of a nonexistent fourth person. This trip was supposed to be a de-stressor and I'm stressed out about it!!

On the plus side, I finished a crappy draft of a difficult-ish chapter and sent it off to some colleagues to proofread. This means I can enjoy some of my weekend, knowing that I actually accomplished a drop in the thesis bucket this week.

Also making great progress on Jen's sandworm mittens. I confessed to her last week that it'll be hard to give them up!